hope and the escalation of madness

Hope, they say is a function of life in preserving life. Hope is the catalyst which will turn despair into will. Hope is the entity which guards the mind to stay sharp and vigilant. The act of hoping therefore is the preserving of life itself, the willing, the exploiting of the mind, seeking for every possible positive outcome in every sequence of life. A man being run over and over and over again finds himself comfort and energy in hope. As long as there is still hope, he will rise again and again. He will reflects his past methods, step by step, analyzing, looking for a possible flaw which he will redo in a better way. Hoping that by doing so, he will gain an opposite result. Live and learn, they say. Trial and error. But life is not a science, and the sequence of life as perceived is not necessarily a complete one. And can we even perceive a complete one? Seems that hoping is more to scientific method rather than an abstract one isn’t it. But then again, what’s so scientific about a man, trying to perceive a full sequence of his life and then reflects on it, when he can’t even perceive a full sequence of himself sipping a cup of coffee? I’d say, your mind, sees what it wants to see. The reflection, therefore, is nothing more than what the mind permits. Hope, therefore is the action where the mind is trying to feed itself with something soothing. A make belief. With the turning of the clock, the mind becomes more and more difficult to please. Hope becomes more and more attached to the more detailed sequence of life, to the simplest action taken; there is a hope in it. Hope has become an atom in the construction of life. From the most advance to the simplest. The more complex life is constructed, the more tangled hope is within. Someone say we’re born insane. That insanity is a natural potency which later matured by the society. To hope that by reflecting each section of life will bring you success is to surrender yourself to the thought that you are in full control of your life, which is a soothing concept for the invaded. To abandon all hope and surrender to the greater hands is nonetheless, an act of hoping. Within the randomness of events, madness escalates.

preparation

my life is my career, i said. there's no bigger office than me. they say luck is 99% of preparation and 1% of opportunity. well i'm preparing now. my every second is my preparation. for that split second of opportunity. it just hit me. right between the eyes. there's not a singel second wasted in my life. at least that's what i'm hoping for. every second i spent i'm building my career. preparing myself. so when there's an opportunity in town, i will arrange a meeting, i will bring my 99%, and together we'll create luck.

three puny entities

they say there is a time for every purpose under heaven. when is my time? is this my time? do i own this moment? seems that the time owns me. i am trapped in this time. i have to go along as planned. i have to follow as scheduled. i am being absorbed into series of actions where i am being played as a part of the whole process. a singel gear in the ticking clock. who am i to claim a moment as mine? when you are floating on a raft. you go along the current. there is the current. the raft. and you. three puny entities moving along unconsciously in the silent of the universe.

no peace

i'm tired actually. sitting here trying to make peace with myself, in a war no one knows the end. bit by bit, we are drifting apart. a man is made by his vision and how he wins it. they say there is no future but now because you're living it now. your every action is exactly the future happening right now. if you want to be a millionaire, live it now. breathe like one. think like one. my time is now. i will not wait for it to happen. i will make it happen, right now. that is why i'm so tired. if my future is exactly what i'm having right now. i should be having a peaceful time with myself. i guess there is no such thing in the future.

the fulfillment

what kind a person keeps on visualizing a success that never is? they say it's the law of attraction; if one focuses one's vision on one's hope, it will attract the course of the universe to the fulfillment of such hope. if this is true, we'd be living in pure chaos. i don't have anything against hope, the act of hoping. i do it all the time. but i have to be realistic also. i don't allow my hope gets in the way with my reality. you can say that i live them one at a time. but this cause me even a greater fall. there's the dreaming dude and the working ass. the two just don't get along nicely. so i thought, what a lot of crap. let's just be real and accept what is real. just like the moustache said. amor fati.

now

well i guess i'm trapped now. in this black hole where there is no more movement, while time lingers on and the rest of the world out there passes by seconds by minutes by hours by days. if i have to perceive life as series of events which emanate from the collision between space and time, this certain repetitive event would not be considered as such. though consuming it may be, it still escapes life as i understands it should be. it's like the story of the cave, where peoples were trapped inside, took their times along, no movement. suddenly one day, they came out, and 100 years have passed them. i'd say i'm being robbed. they are ripping my times off. there are no series of events here. there is only one event. and it has been going on and on and on, days after days. taking me no where. taking me no when. the repetitive now.